Hampshire Police have managed a Damascene conversion, after refusing to close a local road for a Remembrance Day service because 'it would infringe drivers' human rights'. Wonderful! So there'll be no more hiding behind that wall in Longacres or under those dark trees on Swanwick Hill, scameras at the ready in both cases? Oh look, flying pigs!
Yes, it's my own bunch of local cretins, Hampshire Police (don't snigger yet). When called to investigate a crime at the home of one Nina Nash, they were horrifed to find she was making a totally unreasonable set of demands including - gulp! - that an officer climb a five-metre ladder! They soon put her right on that! Naturally we are now treated to the traditional post-cock-up rowback, and the half-hearted apology.
You may snigger now.
When thugs sprayed lewd messages on the side of Chloe Stoyle's car, she naturally drove to a shop to buy some paint remover. Some morons gathered outside and started commenting on her vandalized car. Hampshire POlice rolled up - yup, you know this is not going to end well, don't you? Did they:
1) arrest the morons causing the fuss?
2) fine Ms. Stoyle?
Hint: Hampshire Police....
Okay, You're a Hampshire Police officer (don't worry, it's only pretend so you don't have to have your brain removed). You pull over a clearly drunk driver, then find that you've stupidly run out of disposable straws for the breathalyzer. Do you:
a) tell the police station to send some more out to you?
b) drive the drunk to the police station, and test him there?
c) tell the drunk to follow you to the station in their own car?
Hint: Hampshire Police.....
A group of gypsies decide to deliberately drown one of their ponies in a Hampshire lake, and what do we get from the local constabulary? We're informed that there were 'conflicting stories', and that the killing was done by 'men'. Best not mention the G-word, eh?
Hampshire Police. Still mounting speed traps in an area where the speed signs are contradictory, on a steep hill, in poor weather conditions, with their scamera van hidden under dark foliage. Obviously the cuts aren't deep enough. Yet....
"John Apter, from Hampshire Police Federation, said many members of the public had a misconception that traffic officers only handed out speeding tickets."
Indeed. So what is the first thing you are going to train non-traffic officers to do, then, Mr. Apter?
"beat officers will be trained to use speed guns along with more community volunteers."
facepalm/
A police officer, who has not been named, was duly dispatched to the field to investigate, and was able to "confirm" that there was indeed a tiger lurking in the grass.
Indeed, a white tiger. So Hampshire Police scrambled a helicopter and a man with a tranquilizer gun - then belatedly thought they might actually recheck the officer's 'conformation'.
It was a toy. Stuffed. Like Hampshire Police. And the Hampshire taxpayers who paid for this marginal over-reaction.
Hampshire Police have arrested a local man for, and I quote, 'causing harassment, alarm or distress'. You just know that, starting this story with the words 'Hampshire Police', common sense isn't going to visible even with the Hubble Telescope, don't you? Yup, his grievously insulting act was - here it comes! - performing the song Kung Fu Fighting.
Remind me why we pay for a police 'service' in this county?
That's Common Assault plus Using Straitened Public Resources plus Wasting Police Time = C. C for Caution. I wonder if Hampshire Police are as lenient with tbose people they catch speeding with their carefully hidden speed traps in Longacres, Sarisbury Hill and Hunts Pond Lane? Somehow I think not.
... Hampshire Police can barely afford officers to go and cross-examine a New Forest hotel owner who, jokingly, put a sign up outside his establishment saying 'Poofters Welcome Here'. Bearing in mind the police service's love for the gay movement, perhaps he was expecting a few more...?