Thursday, December 10, 2009

Murderers

Bryan Davies, 63, has died of a heart-attack. His last years were rendered unbearable by false accusations by two local girls in Accrington, who both alleged he was a paedophile after he refused to let tghem walk his dog. The accusations were found to be totally false, yet Lancashire Police have failed to prosecute either girl.

Why?

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Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Don't bother

It's not the news that nine in ten muggers get away with it that surprised me - that's British judges for you. It's the other reason behind it - only 40% of muggings are actually reported to the police in the first place. Nearly two out of three victims just don't bother. They know what to expect.

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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

A prize!

At last the Metropolitan Police have won an award! That's where the good news ends. The bad news (for them) is that it is a Plain English Campaign 'Kick In The Pants Award' for continuing use of jargon and obfuscating language.

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Monday, December 07, 2009

Doo thay no itz Krissmus?

Well, Essex Police certainly do. They've handed out thousands of publicly-funded leaflets to children directing them to the police website, where they can download the wonderful Advent Calender. And, presumably, a free spelling guide?

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Sunday, December 06, 2009

You do the maths!

Because Sussex Police, seemingly, cannot. Faced with budget cuts, they are taking out 73 officer posts - but only 26 staff jobs. Eh? Police spend little enough time on the beat as it is, and now they're planning to get rid of loads of officers whilst sparing the department which spends its days fiddling figures to make Sussex Police look good. Okay, less bad. It's a hard job, and apparently loads of people are needed to do it.

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Saturday, December 05, 2009

Yes, someone does need vetting

But it isn't Craig Hodge, who voluntarily took on the post of lollipop man with the full consent of school and parents, but has now been banned by Dumb & Crap (aka Devon & Cornwall) Police because he hasn't been vetted. The one who needs vetting (and I mean it in the 'snip' sense) is the sub-moronic trat at DCP who thought hundreds of kids crossing the street on their own was a safer bet. And you can guarantee that if there's an accident as a result, DCP will deny any responsibility.

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Friday, December 04, 2009

Three...

... is a pathetic number. Because it's the number of South Wales Police officers who have been 'disciplined' (if you can count 'words of advice' as disciplinary procedures) over their abject failure to follow up Beth Eliis' reporting of her being abused as a child by her stepfather. That's more than the stepfather has got, as due to SWP incompetence he got off scot-free.

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No longer in the Pink?

I wonder if events like this, in which Thames Valley Police 'reached out' to the LGBT community in Milton Keynes by sending an officer out on the razzle - oops, I mean on a consultation exercize to a nightclub - will be victims of the government crackdown on police overtime.

Somehow I doubt it. Police can always find an excuse to spend money on 'oppressed minorities'.

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Thursday, December 03, 2009

Again?

More bad news for the Metropolitan Police farce. The Press Complaints Commission has rejected a claim from one of its officers that his privacy rights were infringed when a national paper got hold of comments he wrote on Facebook after the murder of Ian Tomlinson at the G20 protests. For the record, his words were:

"I see my lot have murdered someone again. Oh well, shit happens."

Again?

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Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Lighten up!

Sussex Police have said two of their plastic plods were quite right to demand the address details of Andrew White, after he was seen indulging in suspicious activities recently. I mean, actually taking photos of the Christmas lights in Burgess Hill? The man is quite obviously a menace to society!

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Tuesday, December 01, 2009

3,500 = 0

One of our maths tutors at college was fond of proving that 1 = 0. However, Cambridgeshire Police, the goofballs of West Anglia, have gone much further and proved that 3,500 = 0. This is because they've paid out £3,500 to a local woman whose rape case was 'lost in the paperwork', whilst admitting zero liability. Er, that's not quite right, is it? Cambridgeshire taxpayers have paid her £3,500 in an even furthe reduced police service (not that they were getting much before), whilst CP have paid nothing. Oh, but they have given a warning to one officer, and 'words of advice' (i.e. try to cost us less money next time) to another.

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Monday, November 30, 2009

Cold caller

Merseyside Police have admitted that that did know about an illegal dog being kept at a Wavertree house, but a police caller told the informant that it was 'not a police matter', and the report was not followed up. Now the dog has savaged a four-year-old to death, we can be sure Merseyside Police are moving a whole lot quicker.

To protect their police caller, of course.

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Thirst-y for justice

Staffordshire Police have claimed that they acted 'appropriately and proportionately' in arresting members of rock band The Thirst. Okay....
- it took thirty officers to arrest six people.
- the band members (black) were loaded into a police van, whilst their white friend, also arrested, went in a police car.
- the band members were held without food, whilst their friend was offered some.
- they were held for 15 hours AFTER being searched for weapons, none of which were found.


Rather amazingly, an apology has now been wring out of the Potty Potterymen - but no offer to remove their illegally-obtained DNA from the illegal national DNA database. Quelle surprise!

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Sunday, November 29, 2009

Bim-a-bam bam!

What costs the Metropolitan Police over £225,000 last year, Merseyside Police nearly fifty grand, and the constabularies of this country nearly a million quid? Answer, payments to artists so officers can listen to music at their desks.

I wonder how many officers on the beat (real officers on the beat, not patrol officers hiding behind bushes with scameras) that would have paid for?

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Saturday, November 28, 2009

We HATE cameras!

Dorset Police may love their scameras, but they hate the idea of normal people being allowed to photograph police double standards and hypocrisy. Witness this police car parked on double yellow lines displaying no tax disc. Ah, claim the DiPsticks, but the vehicle was about to be sold, so didn't need taxing, and was 'probably' parked there by a garage employee. In which case, can they explain 1) how it got there, being driven without a tax disc (a CRIME) and 2) when are they prosecuting the garage employee for illegal parking (yes, I know they're lying, but it'll be fun to watch them try to wriggle out of it).

Well? We're waiting....

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Kim who?

Kim Malloy has been arrested for shoplifting. A statement by Nottinghamshire Police reads:

"A 44-year-old woman was arrested in connection with the incident and has been bailed until February 2010."

Fascinating. I wonder if she's related to the Kim Malloy who is a chief inspector with.... now what constabulary? Ah yes. Nottinghamshire Police.

Can't be. Othwersise surely they'd have admitted it and she'd have been suspended. Neither of which show any sign of happening.

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Friday, November 27, 2009

Wating for that apology

... and waiting ... and waiting ... and waiting. Photographer Alex Turner is presumably smightly miffed that, after Kent Police were forced to admit that holding him in a police van and searching him for the crime of 'taking a photograph in Chatham Hight Street', they are still refusing to apologize. Then again, if Kent Police officers owned up every time they got something wrong, they'd barely have time to hide behind bushes with a scamera.

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Thursday, November 26, 2009

An inadvertent 25

Commander Bob Broadhurst, the idiot in charge of the fiasco that was the Metropolitan/City of London Police's 'policing' of the G20 protest (1 dead, loads injured) had said he only 'inadvertently misled' the House of Commons when he told MPs that there were no plain clothes officers out on the day. When he said none, he meant 25. I mean, zero, 25. It's a mistake anyone can make!

I wonder if the excuses given by the few criminals the Met actually catches are as unbelieveable as Bob's. I do hope so.

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Unforeseeable

Hat-tip to Ambush Predator for noting Merseyside Police's latest cock-up. A spiritualist ghost-buster lost his job with them because he became sexually aroused during one of his sessions (I so don't want to know!). Quite right. I mean, after that, I'm amazed he found another job, this time as a specialist trainer. I mean, what sort of cowboy outfit is going to employ someone with that track record?

You know where this is going, don't you? The stupid new employer is exactly the same as the stupid former employer. Merseyside Police.

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Ooo, we've 'accidentally' got your DNA!

With ACPO's denial that police forces are deliberately arresting people just to get their DNA on the illegal national database, this story from Staffordshire smells rather fishy. A band accused of hiding a firearm in their van was held all night at a police station, and their DNA stolen. Er, all night? To search one van? But not to worry - a police spokestwat says that 'no further action will be taken' (well, you found precisely nothing, you moron!) and that the police acted 'appropriately and proportionately'.

Balls!

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Unacceptable

West Midlands Police. As someone with Black Country blood, I take an especial interest in this particular bunch of loons. So re their strange idea of allowing offenders to avoid a criminal record if they apologize and make recompense to the one victim they actually get caught turning over, I have a question. What if the victim declines to accept the apology/chocolates/flowers/whatever? Do the WiMPs force them so to do? I think we should be told.

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Told you so

The Human Genetics Commission has said that police forces up and down the country are arresting people illegally, just to get their DNA on their illegal national database. Police can only arrest someone if there is a reasonable suspicion that they have committed a crime - but officers are seizing the DNA of anybody and everybody. Oh, and to back them up, this fag-end of a government wants to charge you £200 for the 'right' to ask for your DNA to be removed from the illegal database.

Big Brother would be green with envy.

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Monday, November 23, 2009

This was tactful!

Michael Raphel was somewhat surpised to return to his illegally parked sports car in London to find - no, not a parking ticket or a wheel clamp. Or much of a car; the Metropolitan Police farce had decided to blow it up because it was only a quarter of a mile from Downing Street. Mr. Raphel feels that the Met 'could have been a bit more tactful'.

Er, Mike. For the Met, this was tactful!

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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pension crisis - but not for them!

While the rest of us fret and worry over our ever-shrinking pension funds, the boys (and girls) in blue need not fear - we've paid an extra £481 million to top up their pensions. That's a lot of lolly for hiding behind a bush on Primate Road with a scamera.

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Merry Christmas!

One of my (many) jobs at work is to sort our poorly or wrongly addressed parcels, as well as 'normal' ones. So here's a scenario, as the festive season approaches. I decide I'm overworked (I am), and therefore I will be screening out one on three parcels. That basically means all those with problem addresses will be dumped on a shelf and forgotten about. No internet inquiries, no phone calls, nada. Well, why not? It's what the police do, with the news that they are screening out over 1,500,000 crimes as unsolveable. To put that in perspective, that means that every twenty seconds, 24/7, 365 days a year, somewhere in the UK a plod is going 'ooo, too hard!' and ignoring yet another crime victim. So if you don't get your parcels this year, remember - it could be because I'm adopting the same 'efficiency levels' as our lame excuse for a police 'service'.

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Saturday, November 21, 2009

There's politicization...

... and there's sucking up. Tory Bear wonders why Superintendent Deborah Harrod from West Midlands Police thinks it okay to be out drinking with Labour excuse for a minister Bob Ainsworth, the man who puts his own expenses before the lives of British soldiers. Hasn't Ms. Harrod heard that 'Sir' Hugh Orde deplores the politicization of the police service? Or do the police think it's okay when it's Labour politicization? We all look forward to Ms. Harrod's explanation.

But not with baited breath.

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A failure of communication?

That's the excuse being trotted out by the Metropolitan Police, after they were criticized for their failures in the case of a young girl who was taken back to spend time with her abusive stepmother on the advice of a clueless social worker (who, I wager £10, will not face any disciplinary proceedings whatsoever). They police officer involved didn't take action because of this 'failure of communication'. Ye Gods! If they even consider saying 'lessons have been learnt', I'll throw up!

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Bang bang, scoop scoop

After a quiet couple of days, Nottinghamshire Police are well and truly in the s**t - but not to worry, they'll soon clean up. Yes, the gun crime capital of the country may be alive with the sound of Kalashnikovs, but the Sheriff's men know where their real priorities lie - grabbing £50 fines off people whose dogs foul the pavement. We know they have better things they could be doing - but apparently they'd rathe rbe in the s**t!

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