That thudding sound is some top plod at Hampshire Police banging their head on the desk, after yet another 'we broke down the wrong door, held the wrong person in the cells and stole their DNA' case. The officers who goofed were isntructed to go back and apologize - so they took a bunch of flowers and a bottle of beer.
Yes. They really are that stupid.
Dear old Hampshire Police, my local amusement factory. Today they managed to arrest the men running a cannabis factory in Basingstoke - but only after one of them jumped out of a window straight into the arms of two coppers, who promptly let him go! Fortunately a passing driver managed to show more preparation, and blocked the escape route, enabling them to (eventually) catch their target. What were they doing - trying to catch him speeding?
If stealing your DNA wasn't bad enough, it seems our police farces can't even control who has access to use and abuse data on the police computer. Hampshire Police cop Robert Campbell used his access to try to force four women to have sex with him, despite being warned for misusing his access. But apparently Hampshire Police couldn't be asked to keep checking up on him, with predictable results.
Of resources, apparently. Hampshire Police keep whining about how they need extra money 'to maintain services'. Would that be the 'service' I saw on the way to work yesterday, comprising THREE officers hiding behind a hedge, taking turns with a hand-held scamera on Longacres, a good road in the backstreets of Park Gate with an artifically-lowered 30 limit on it?
Which means out in barely 6. That's Roseanne England, who falsely cried rape and ruined the life of one Derek Cummings. Of course she had 'help' from the hopeless Hampshire Police, who held Mr. Cummings for 28 hours whilst they signally failed to carry out even the most rudimentary of checks on Ms. England's fairytale. Unfortunately for them their beloved DNA tests (eventually) proved Mr. Cummings was innocent - so they're keeping his DNA anyway. I believe the term os 'theft'?
Yes, six days after the Big Freeze which saw pandemonium on the A27 at park Gate with drivers slipping all over the place, Hampshire Police finally made it to the area.
With a scamera van.
I hope their PR guru is on suicide watch.
A woman whose child threw a tantrum in the supermarket made the grave mistake of threatening her son with a smack if he didn't behave. Nothing illegal there, you may think - except some sad off-duty Hampshire plod, taking a break between hiding behind bushes with a scamera and finding other excuses not to go out on the beat, promptly reported her to county social services, and two of its fellow wastes of space somehow found time in their 'busy schedules' to vist her and threaten her with further action.
It's now over 20 years since my aunt was robbed of her precious jewellery. Hampshire Police don't seem as keen to work off-duty in her case.
Two blasts at my own excuse for a police 'service', Hampshire, today. First an incident when I was going shopping the other day, and saw a Talivan parked at the roadside. Nothing unusual there - we all know Grabby Gordoom needs the dough - but written on its side was 'Road Safety - Community Reassurance'. You what? 'Reassuring' us that the police have nothing better to do than skulk under trees just the other side of a hill and a long bend to raise money for this discredited government? Pathetic!
Hampshire Police are refusing to apologize over their mishandling of the Teresa de Simon murder, for which an innocent man, Sean Hodgson, served 27 years in jail. David Lane confessed to the murder at the time, but HP somehow 'forgot' to pass this information on to Mr. Hodgson's defence team at the trial. Instead the farce have said that the incident was 'regrettable'.
Pathetic!
Having failed to respond to a crime just 70 yards from one of their stations, Hampshire Police obviously decided to go one better by parking one of their cars in a diasbled bay with regular parking available just feet away. Their 'excuse' was that the officers were detaining an unlicensed vehicle, and thus couldn't travel such a great distance. Rather like the Met, one has to ask; how far will this force go?
I'm sure Lothian & Borders Police can explain why they spent an average of £147.31 per officer on that most vital of police functions, tea and biscuits, well ahead of second-placed Hampshire Police with a still massive £48.29 per officer (compare with the Met, being reasonable for once, averaging £3.84). Yes, there must be a really good explanation.
I'm waiting.....
Hampshire Police are annoyed that residents of Upper Shirley, tired of being victims and paying for a police service that doesn't serve them, have employed private security agents to protect them. They insist that crime in the county is really, really falling. I mean, how could local people fail to have confidence in such a force as Hampshire... oh...
This story in late June I noted down, but lost the slip of paper so did not blog about it. But Hampshire Police will no doubt be delighted to know I have now found that paper. All they have to do is find the excuses as to why, having promised they would investigate the theft of a pony-trap from a house in Lyndhurst, they then waited four days before sending the owners a letter saying they were no longer interested in the case. They then said the letter had been sent too early (?), and an officer would come round and discuss the case (he didn't). Ah, you may say, but that's a country area, and they were probably many miles from the nearest police station.
About 70 yards.
Oops!
Alex Marshal, chief constable at Hampshire Police, has been revealed to have claimed over £350 on eating out when he was at Thames Valley - oh, and 50p for a parking ticket. A spokestwat for HP described the claims as appropriate, but unfortunately did not say on which planet it would be appropriate. Mr. Marshall now earns nearly £150,000 a year.
Bastard!
Two high-ranking Hampshire Police officers have been questioned about breaches of the Official Secrets Act. The Metropolitan Police, investigating the leak, refused to give any details, and have denied it is terrorist-related, even though it's being investigated by the counter-terrorist branch.
Strange, isn't it - when it's a celebrity arrest, somehow the press all magically find out and turn up to film it, but when it's a plod being investigated, the 'magic' doesn't seem to work....
The Association of Chief Police Officers says it sees nothing wrong in 44 Hampshire Police officers being allowed to stay on despite being convicted of discharging a firearm, affray, possession of an offensive weapon, benefit fraud, possession of a cannabis plant, being drunk and disorderly, common assault, criminal damage, actual bodily harm and theft. The revelations only came to light because the farce sacked a civilian worker for a minor offence, and she blabbed about their rank hypocrisy. Ah, say ACPO, but 'the majority of officers across the country are honest'. So are the majority of English folks - does that mean we shouldn't prosecute the minority who commit crimes? Note also that, had they committed these crimes before trying to join the police they would be debarred - but committing them as serving officers is all right?
When a group of teenage thugs threw a stone through the car window of one Roy Jennings, injuring his wife, the enraged man not only gave chase but also captured two of the pieces of human excrement, before handing them over to Hampshire Police. Imagine his feelings, therefore, when HP decided they couldn't be bothered to push for criminal damage, and let the scum off with a caution. A HP spokestwat has said it was 'difficult' to push for the more severe charge becausethe thugs might deny it (ah diddums!), and besides, Mr. Jennings really should have expected this - he is, after all, a sergeant in the lame excuse for a police 'service' that still dares to call itself - all together now - Hampshire Police!
I like this story about a pensioner who caused chaos when he tookd his motorized scooter onto the A27 dual-carriageway in Hampshire. Just one thing, though - the second paragraph:
When officers first attempted to intervene, the man, who was on a shopping trip, initially evaded them.
I know Hampshire Police are pretty pathetic, but being outrun by an 8 mph vehicle? Honestly!
Hampshire Police. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. When Portsmouth resident David Gates caught one of their vehicles illegally parked he decided to take a photo of it. No law against taking photos, you might well think. Well, it seems there is in Hampshire, and the police farce, ever eager to dig themselves into a hole, are defending their officers' quizzing of the man because, and I quote, 'The picture could be a security risk because it shows the car registration'. Yes, and we all know HP car registrations are a closely guarded secret.
Sad.
Hampshire Police, my local farce, has come up with an exciting new way to tackle crime. Is it:
a) actually putting more bobbies in the beat?
b) handing out Top Trumps cards of themselves?
Yes, you spotted it. I can only presume HP hope local criminals will either die or so injure themselves laughing that they'll be out of circulation for a while. Officers are rated on pedal power (?), agility, strength and problem-solving. You really couldn't make it up.