Hampshire criminals

The Association of Chief Police Officers says it sees nothing wrong in 44 Hampshire Police officers being allowed to stay on despite being convicted of discharging a firearm, affray, possession of an offensive weapon, benefit fraud, possession of a cannabis plant, being drunk and disorderly, common assault, criminal damage, actual bodily harm and theft. The revelations only came to light because the farce sacked a civilian worker for a minor offence, and she blabbed about their rank hypocrisy. Ah, say ACPO, but 'the majority of officers across the country are honest'. So are the majority of English folks - does that mean we shouldn't prosecute the minority who commit crimes? Note also that, had they committed these crimes before trying to join the police they would be debarred - but committing them as serving officers is all right?

Hopeless in Hampshire - even for their own!

When a group of teenage thugs threw a stone through the car window of one Roy Jennings, injuring his wife, the enraged man not only gave chase but also captured two of the pieces of human excrement, before handing them over to Hampshire Police. Imagine his feelings, therefore, when HP decided they couldn't be bothered to push for criminal damage, and let the scum off with a caution. A HP spokestwat has said it was 'difficult' to push for the more severe charge becausethe thugs might deny it (ah diddums!), and besides, Mr. Jennings really should have expected this - he is, after all, a sergeant in the lame excuse for a police 'service' that still dares to call itself - all together now - Hampshire Police!

Speeding, fine!

I like this story about a pensioner who caused chaos when he tookd his motorized scooter onto the A27 dual-carriageway in Hampshire. Just one thing, though - the second paragraph:

When officers first attempted to intervene, the man, who was on a shopping trip, initially evaded them.

I know Hampshire Police are pretty pathetic, but being outrun by an 8 mph vehicle? Honestly!

The latest 'crime'

Hampshire Police. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. When Portsmouth resident David Gates caught one of their vehicles illegally parked he decided to take a photo of it. No law against taking photos, you might well think. Well, it seems there is in Hampshire, and the police farce, ever eager to dig themselves into a hole, are defending their officers' quizzing of the man because, and I quote, 'The picture could be a security risk because it shows the car registration'. Yes, and we all know HP car registrations are a closely guarded secret.

Sad.

Trumpeting themselves

Hampshire Police, my local farce, has come up with an exciting new way to tackle crime. Is it:
a) actually putting more bobbies in the beat?
b) handing out Top Trumps cards of themselves?

Yes, you spotted it. I can only presume HP hope local criminals will either die or so injure themselves laughing that they'll be out of circulation for a while. Officers are rated on pedal power (?), agility, strength and problem-solving. You really couldn't make it up.

Trimming fat?

Police forces, we are told today, are 'trimming the fat' and cutting back on frontline services due to rising fuel costs. Not in Hampshire, where the other day I saw a Talivan parked on a steep downhill stretch of the A27 where speed limits are notoriously unclear. Still, obviously scamera vans rank as a much higher priority than, say, community policing. I mean, in the latter, the police might actually run into real criminals. Euw!

Safer???

Bad news for the Hampshire Scamera Partnership, who face a drop in their greedy haul after it was revealed that their scamera at the bottom of the M275 (motorway spur into Portsmouth) doesn't cover the fast lane! Huh? Apparently the scamera can only cover the three inside lanes (though its yellow box is cunningly camouflaged against the yellow of the petrol station behind it, and placed just before the 40 limit becomes 50), and they are precluded from putting a second scamera on the central reservation because of - useful for once - health and safety. So at a point where drivers are both frantically changing lanes and braking to avoid the scamera, let's push everyone into the outside lane. Perhaps someone can explain to me exactly how this will be safer?