Forward planning, nul points

Hat-tip to Iain Dale for this classic. Hampshire Police didn't plan ahead for this ad on the back of a bus. Those vehicles have exhaust pipes...

Hopeless in Hampshire

When a Portsmouth businessman dared to confront a yob who was dropping litter, Hampshire Police knew what to do. Yes, you guessed it - the Pompey Poopers arrested the businessman and held him for eight hours. Civic duty? Not worth it in this county.

Up the BCC!

I don't like to support criminal activity (though with the police definition of this broadening by the day, it's getting ever more difficult), but I have to support the Bramley Crescent Catnapper, even though this hardened criminal lives just round the corner from me. Sholing moggies seem to treat my back garden as their personal sandbox, so anyone redressing the balance deserves my support. Besides, Hopeless Hampshire Police are after the man. Yes, the 'force' whose Sholing officer recently retired after patrolling the beat for years, much to my surprise - I'd never seen him. I only hope Sholing residents aren't alarmed by the sudden appearance of real police officers - we usually only get the fake ones, PCSOs.

Fareham farrago

Bad news for Hampshire Police and their Scamera Partnership allies in the War On Motorists. A court has ruled that speed limit signs on the A27 around Fareham do not comply with the law, and has thrown out attempts to prosecute drivers for exceeding a speed limit that did not in fact exist. But the ruling only applies to people who have fought the prosecution, so if you've been done and not fought, contact a solicitor now. Unless of course you're in HP, to whom the rules don't apply; they never did find which of them did 60% over the speed limit, did they?