DOCK GREEN

Focus

2012-01-09T10:50:00.002Z

Because of a sharp increase in work commitments, I have decided to focus this blog soely on Hampshire Police. More than enough there to keep me busy!

Suddenly they're into human rights!

2011-11-09T14:46:00.000Z

Hampshire Police have managed a Damascene conversion, after refusing to close a local road for a Remembrance Day service because 'it would infringe drivers' human rights'. Wonderful! So there'll be no more hiding behind that wall in Longacres or under those dark trees on Swanwick Hill, scameras at the ready in both cases? Oh look, flying pigs!

Brave, fearless.... oo, is that a LADDER?

2011-10-14T15:23:00.001+01:00

Yes, it's my own bunch of local cretins, Hampshire Police (don't snigger yet). When called to investigate a crime at the home of one Nina Nash, they were horrifed to find she was making a totally unreasonable set of demands including - gulp! - that an officer climb a five-metre ladder! They soon put her right on that! Naturally we are now treated to the traditional post-cock-up rowback, and the half-hearted apology.

You may snigger now.

Yeah, that'll win us public support... oh...

2011-08-11T14:18:00.000+01:00

When thugs sprayed lewd messages on the side of Chloe Stoyle's car, she naturally drove to a shop to buy some paint remover. Some morons gathered outside and started commenting on her vandalized car. Hampshire POlice rolled up - yup, you know this is not going to end well, don't you? Did they:
1) arrest the morons causing the fuss?
2) fine Ms. Stoyle?

Hint: Hampshire Police....

What not to do

2011-07-16T14:36:00.000+01:00

Okay, You're a Hampshire Police officer (don't worry, it's only pretend so you don't have to have your brain removed). You pull over a clearly drunk driver, then find that you've stupidly run out of disposable straws for the breathalyzer. Do you:
a) tell the police station to send some more out to you?
b) drive the drunk to the police station, and test him there?
c) tell the drunk to follow you to the station in their own car?

Hint: Hampshire Police.....

Don't mention the G-word

2011-07-11T18:18:00.000+01:00

A group of gypsies decide to deliberately drown one of their ponies in a Hampshire lake, and what do we get from the local constabulary? We're informed that there were 'conflicting stories', and that the killing was done by 'men'. Best not mention the G-word, eh?

Ooo, we're so strapped for cash... (Part 373)

2011-06-16T20:54:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police. Still mounting speed traps in an area where the speed signs are contradictory, on a steep hill, in poor weather conditions, with their scamera van hidden under dark foliage. Obviously the cuts aren't deep enough. Yet....

I suspect he doesn't get it

2011-06-08T11:21:00.000+01:00

"John Apter, from Hampshire Police Federation, said many members of the public had a misconception that traffic officers only handed out speeding tickets."

Indeed. So what is the first thing you are going to train non-traffic officers to do, then, Mr. Apter?

"beat officers will be trained to use speed guns along with more community volunteers."

facepalm/

I like the 'who has not been named'

2011-05-22T21:45:00.001+01:00

A police officer, who has not been named, was duly dispatched to the field to investigate, and was able to "confirm" that there was indeed a tiger lurking in the grass.

Indeed, a white tiger. So Hampshire Police scrambled a helicopter and a man with a tranquilizer gun - then belatedly thought they might actually recheck the officer's 'conformation'.

It was a toy. Stuffed. Like Hampshire Police. And the Hampshire taxpayers who paid for this marginal over-reaction.

You've been HAD!

2011-04-27T11:53:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police have arrested a local man for, and I quote, 'causing harassment, alarm or distress'. You just know that, starting this story with the words 'Hampshire Police', common sense isn't going to visible even with the Hubble Telescope, don't you? Yup, his grievously insulting act was - here it comes! - performing the song Kung Fu Fighting.

Remind me why we pay for a police 'service' in this county?

CA + USPR + WPT = C

2011-04-11T15:17:00.000+01:00

That's Common Assault plus Using Straitened Public Resources plus Wasting Police Time = C. C for Caution. I wonder if Hampshire Police are as lenient with tbose people they catch speeding with their carefully hidden speed traps in Longacres, Sarisbury Hill and Hunts Pond Lane? Somehow I think not.

Ooo, the cuts are so bad...

2011-02-12T13:15:00.000Z

... Hampshire Police can barely afford officers to go and cross-examine a New Forest hotel owner who, jokingly, put a sign up outside his establishment saying 'Poofters Welcome Here'. Bearing in mind the police service's love for the gay movement, perhaps he was expecting a few more...?

Stop, ya bastards!

2010-11-07T10:18:00.000Z

Hat-tip to the ever-reliable Grumpy Old Twat for this one. Our police farces might allow Muslims to shout down our judges, abuse our soldiers and walk down our streets carrying placards threatening to rape or kill us, but Hampshire Police at least are far too busy persecuting a local company which is selling a perfectly legal motor product called Start, Ya Bastard (Australian, of course!). Another farce which is just crying out for cuts.

On the plastic

2010-09-30T14:25:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police are annoyed. A study today shows that their plastic plods, whilst costing the county taxpayers some £7.8 million a year, managed to detect the sum total of less than one crime a week. Not each. Amongst the 300+ of them as a whole! Ah, say the Hopeless Prats, but they're not there to actually detect crime. They're there just to be seen.

You really couldn't make it up!

Still not hiding?

2010-09-15T21:36:00.002+01:00

So much for police claims that they don't try to entrap drivers into speeding. Driving up the A32 today, I went through Farringdon village, and was puzzled to find several drivers flashing me (I hadn't left the van doors open again, surely?). Then, just as I was leaving the village, I saw it - a Hampshire Police scamera van hidden under the trees, just where the village ends but the 30 mph limit doesn't. Nice try, but I was ready for you - as were the other drivers I flashed once clear of you.

Some numbers

2010-09-10T14:24:00.002+01:00

826,000 - the number of pounds spent arranging an earthquake training course.

4 - constabularies who attended - those major earthquake areas of Hampshire. Hertfordshire, Gloucestershire and Merseyside.

11 - number of people killed in the UK in earthquakes. In the last millennium, that is.

1931 - last time someone died in an earthquake in the UK. Of a heart-attack.

0 - valid reasons for this latest junket.

Euw! Nasty, expensive democracy!

2010-08-11T11:11:00.002+01:00

Labour chairman of the (Hampshire Police) authority, Cllr Jacqui Rayment, said staging the elections for a police commissioner, who would oversee policing in the two counties, could cost around £2m, the equivalent of almost 70 police officers, if the planned shake-up of police management in the two counties went ahead.

Well, love, we can't actually spend money to ensure people have a say over how their local police forces are run, can we? Much better to leave it all to the likes of you, eh? I mean, your party never wasted money on.... oh....

Hopeless in Hampshire, part 894

2010-08-09T14:42:00.003+01:00

As usual, Hampshire Police find themselves rowing backwards faster than Redgrave and Pinsentt, after their over-officious boobies fined Kay Baldson and Chris Bates for painting THEIR OWN GARDEN FENCE and accidentally spilling a few flecks over the side of their litigious neighbour. Naturally HP threatened them with court unless the fine has been paid but now, with the story making the national news, have 'geenrously' decided to refund the fine.

Too late. Damage done, and it'll take more than a few teaspoons of turpentine to undo.

When in hole...

2010-07-22T15:08:00.004+01:00

... reach for press officer. TYes, in an all-too-rare instance of common sense, even the Criminal Protection Service took one look at Hampshire Police's attempt to arrest a woman for keeping a cricket ball that local yobs kept hitting into her garden, and ran screaming from it. But never underestimate the capability of my local farce to dig themselves in that bit deeper. They visited Mrs. Cole to break the news to her - and took a press officer, who bullied her into signing a statement clearing the Hopeless Prats of complicity. I only wish she had stuck it somewhere that would make said press officer talk even funnier!

Another cautionary tale

2010-07-14T09:52:00.001+01:00

Whilst female MPs whine about rape victims remaining anonymous, yet another story of a 'victim' who wasn't, and whose false allegations wasted the time of some 23 police officers. And, predictably, Hampshire Police let her off with a caution. Gee. She won't do that again in a hurry, will she?

Candid camera

2010-06-23T14:49:00.003+01:00

"A Hampshire Constabulary investigation found the PC's conduct fell below the required standard".

That's my own resident farce, one of whose officers claimed a man he arrested for not wearing a seat-belt was abusive. I bet Hampshire and other forces are coming to hate mobiles, for the accused promptly recorded the conversation on his, then played it back in court.

Case dimissed. Unfortunately, thuggish copper not dismissed. Probably just given the dreaded 'words of advice'.

Ninth and out

2010-06-10T14:53:00.001+01:00

Metropolitan, North Yorkshire, Hampshire, Bedfordshire, Essex, Greater Manchester, Fife, South Wales and Thames Valley. What connects these farces? Well, because they all abused the stop-and-search powers and failed to fill out the proper paperwork, those stopped are in line for huge wodges of compensation. Still, I'm sure their respective chief constables will be offering to give up parts of their salaries and pensions to make good the shortfall caused by their stupidity?

Won't they?

Sunstroke

2010-06-06T13:17:00.002+01:00

Last week, Wednesday was wet and miserable, whilst Thursday and Friday were sunny and warm with a refreshing breeze. By an amazing coincidence, on two of those three days Hampshire Police were out with their scameras on Swanwick Hill, the old A27, where confusing speed limit signs leave the driver uncertain whether the speed limit is 30 or 40. I wonder if you can guess which two days they chose to try to further alienate their few remaining supporters?

Hayling the boys feeling blue

2010-05-10T14:14:00.003+01:00

When a gang of youths taunted a pensioner on his way home, Hampshire Police gallantly came to his rescue, arresting all the youths.

Oh no, wait. That's not what happened at all.

When a gang of youths taunted a pensioner on his way home, he waved his stick at them. They immediately reported this 'attack to their local bunch of gullibler morons, and said Hampshire Police closed off two roads and a shopping arcade, and sent ten patrol cars and a team of dogs to harrass him.

That's what happened.

Stupid!

2010-03-27T10:32:00.002Z

That thudding sound is some top plod at Hampshire Police banging their head on the desk, after yet another 'we broke down the wrong door, held the wrong person in the cells and stole their DNA' case. The officers who goofed were isntructed to go back and apologize - so they took a bunch of flowers and a bottle of beer.

Yes. They really are that stupid.

Fumble!

2010-03-05T13:59:00.002Z

Dear old Hampshire Police, my local amusement factory. Today they managed to arrest the men running a cannabis factory in Basingstoke - but only after one of them jumped out of a window straight into the arms of two coppers, who promptly let him go! Fortunately a passing driver managed to show more preparation, and blocked the escape route, enabling them to (eventually) catch their target. What were they doing - trying to catch him speeding?

Strip searches

2010-02-08T21:27:00.004Z

If stealing your DNA wasn't bad enough, it seems our police farces can't even control who has access to use and abuse data on the police computer. Hampshire Police cop Robert Campbell used his access to try to force four women to have sex with him, despite being warned for misusing his access. But apparently Hampshire Police couldn't be asked to keep checking up on him, with predictable results.

Not that short

2010-01-30T10:07:00.002Z

Of resources, apparently. Hampshire Police keep whining about how they need extra money 'to maintain services'. Would that be the 'service' I saw on the way to work yesterday, comprising THREE officers hiding behind a hedge, taking turns with a hand-held scamera on Longacres, a good road in the backstreets of Park Gate with an artifically-lowered 30 limit on it?

18 months

2010-01-20T21:26:00.003Z

Which means out in barely 6. That's Roseanne England, who falsely cried rape and ruined the life of one Derek Cummings. Of course she had 'help' from the hopeless Hampshire Police, who held Mr. Cummings for 28 hours whilst they signally failed to carry out even the most rudimentary of checks on Ms. England's fairytale. Unfortunately for them their beloved DNA tests (eventually) proved Mr. Cummings was innocent - so they're keeping his DNA anyway. I believe the term os 'theft'?

Six days late

2010-01-12T16:59:00.001Z

Yes, six days after the Big Freeze which saw pandemonium on the A27 at park Gate with drivers slipping all over the place, Hampshire Police finally made it to the area.

With a scamera van.

I hope their PR guru is on suicide watch.

Hopeless in Hants (2)

2009-11-08T09:43:00.002Z

A woman whose child threw a tantrum in the supermarket made the grave mistake of threatening her son with a smack if he didn't behave. Nothing illegal there, you may think - except some sad off-duty Hampshire plod, taking a break between hiding behind bushes with a scamera and finding other excuses not to go out on the beat, promptly reported her to county social services, and two of its fellow wastes of space somehow found time in their 'busy schedules' to vist her and threaten her with further action.

It's now over 20 years since my aunt was robbed of her precious jewellery. Hampshire Police don't seem as keen to work off-duty in her case.

Hopeless in Hants (1)

2009-11-08T09:39:00.002Z

Two blasts at my own excuse for a police 'service', Hampshire, today. First an incident when I was going shopping the other day, and saw a Talivan parked at the roadside. Nothing unusual there - we all know Grabby Gordoom needs the dough - but written on its side was 'Road Safety - Community Reassurance'. You what? 'Reassuring' us that the police have nothing better to do than skulk under trees just the other side of a hill and a long bend to raise money for this discredited government? Pathetic!

Regrettable?

2009-09-18T09:20:00.003+01:00

Hampshire Police are refusing to apologize over their mishandling of the Teresa de Simon murder, for which an innocent man, Sean Hodgson, served 27 years in jail. David Lane confessed to the murder at the time, but HP somehow 'forgot' to pass this information on to Mr. Hodgson's defence team at the trial. Instead the farce have said that the incident was 'regrettable'.

Pathetic!

Hampshire down to 10 feet

2009-08-23T22:50:00.003+01:00

Having failed to respond to a crime just 70 yards from one of their stations, Hampshire Police obviously decided to go one better by parking one of their cars in a diasbled bay with regular parking available just feet away. Their 'excuse' was that the officers were detaining an unlicensed vehicle, and thus couldn't travel such a great distance. Rather like the Met, one has to ask; how far will this force go?

But it's only public money....

2009-08-14T08:50:00.002+01:00

I'm sure Lothian & Borders Police can explain why they spent an average of £147.31 per officer on that most vital of police functions, tea and biscuits, well ahead of second-placed Hampshire Police with a still massive £48.29 per officer (compare with the Met, being reasonable for once, averaging £3.84). Yes, there must be a really good explanation.

I'm waiting.....

Really, it's falling

2009-08-06T21:00:00.002+01:00

Hampshire Police are annoyed that residents of Upper Shirley, tired of being victims and paying for a police service that doesn't serve them, have employed private security agents to protect them. They insist that crime in the county is really, really falling. I mean, how could local people fail to have confidence in such a force as Hampshire... oh...

Apologies

2009-08-02T10:58:00.003+01:00

This story in late June I noted down, but lost the slip of paper so did not blog about it. But Hampshire Police will no doubt be delighted to know I have now found that paper. All they have to do is find the excuses as to why, having promised they would investigate the theft of a pony-trap from a house in Lyndhurst, they then waited four days before sending the owners a letter saying they were no longer interested in the case. They then said the letter had been sent too early (?), and an officer would come round and discuss the case (he didn't). Ah, you may say, but that's a country area, and they were probably many miles from the nearest police station.

About 70 yards.

Oops!

Appropriate?

2009-08-02T10:54:00.001+01:00

Alex Marshal, chief constable at Hampshire Police, has been revealed to have claimed over £350 on eating out when he was at Thames Valley - oh, and 50p for a parking ticket. A spokestwat for HP described the claims as appropriate, but unfortunately did not say on which planet it would be appropriate. Mr. Marshall now earns nearly £150,000 a year.

Bastard!

Magic?

2009-01-30T08:56:00.003Z

Two high-ranking Hampshire Police officers have been questioned about breaches of the Official Secrets Act. The Metropolitan Police, investigating the leak, refused to give any details, and have denied it is terrorist-related, even though it's being investigated by the counter-terrorist branch.

Strange, isn't it - when it's a celebrity arrest, somehow the press all magically find out and turn up to film it, but when it's a plod being investigated, the 'magic' doesn't seem to work....

Hampshire criminals

2008-11-15T08:57:00.004Z

The Association of Chief Police Officers says it sees nothing wrong in 44 Hampshire Police officers being allowed to stay on despite being convicted of discharging a firearm, affray, possession of an offensive weapon, benefit fraud, possession of a cannabis plant, being drunk and disorderly, common assault, criminal damage, actual bodily harm and theft. The revelations only came to light because the farce sacked a civilian worker for a minor offence, and she blabbed about their rank hypocrisy. Ah, say ACPO, but 'the majority of officers across the country are honest'. So are the majority of English folks - does that mean we shouldn't prosecute the minority who commit crimes? Note also that, had they committed these crimes before trying to join the police they would be debarred - but committing them as serving officers is all right?

Hopeless in Hampshire - even for their own!

2008-09-02T20:56:00.003+01:00

When a group of teenage thugs threw a stone through the car window of one Roy Jennings, injuring his wife, the enraged man not only gave chase but also captured two of the pieces of human excrement, before handing them over to Hampshire Police. Imagine his feelings, therefore, when HP decided they couldn't be bothered to push for criminal damage, and let the scum off with a caution. A HP spokestwat has said it was 'difficult' to push for the more severe charge becausethe thugs might deny it (ah diddums!), and besides, Mr. Jennings really should have expected this - he is, after all, a sergeant in the lame excuse for a police 'service' that still dares to call itself - all together now - Hampshire Police!

Speeding, fine!

2008-08-07T08:49:00.003+01:00

I like this story about a pensioner who caused chaos when he tookd his motorized scooter onto the A27 dual-carriageway in Hampshire. Just one thing, though - the second paragraph:

When officers first attempted to intervene, the man, who was on a shopping trip, initially evaded them.

I know Hampshire Police are pretty pathetic, but being outrun by an 8 mph vehicle? Honestly!

The latest 'crime'

2008-08-02T13:54:00.003+01:00

Hampshire Police. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. When Portsmouth resident David Gates caught one of their vehicles illegally parked he decided to take a photo of it. No law against taking photos, you might well think. Well, it seems there is in Hampshire, and the police farce, ever eager to dig themselves into a hole, are defending their officers' quizzing of the man because, and I quote, 'The picture could be a security risk because it shows the car registration'. Yes, and we all know HP car registrations are a closely guarded secret.

Sad.

Trumpeting themselves

2008-07-16T08:40:00.002+01:00

Hampshire Police, my local farce, has come up with an exciting new way to tackle crime. Is it:
a) actually putting more bobbies in the beat?
b) handing out Top Trumps cards of themselves?

Yes, you spotted it. I can only presume HP hope local criminals will either die or so injure themselves laughing that they'll be out of circulation for a while. Officers are rated on pedal power (?), agility, strength and problem-solving. You really couldn't make it up.

Trimming fat?

2008-06-22T09:48:00.004+01:00

Police forces, we are told today, are 'trimming the fat' and cutting back on frontline services due to rising fuel costs. Not in Hampshire, where the other day I saw a Talivan parked on a steep downhill stretch of the A27 where speed limits are notoriously unclear. Still, obviously scamera vans rank as a much higher priority than, say, community policing. I mean, in the latter, the police might actually run into real criminals. Euw!

Safer???

2008-03-16T14:40:00.003Z

Bad news for the Hampshire Scamera Partnership, who face a drop in their greedy haul after it was revealed that their scamera at the bottom of the M275 (motorway spur into Portsmouth) doesn't cover the fast lane! Huh? Apparently the scamera can only cover the three inside lanes (though its yellow box is cunningly camouflaged against the yellow of the petrol station behind it, and placed just before the 40 limit becomes 50), and they are precluded from putting a second scamera on the central reservation because of - useful for once - health and safety. So at a point where drivers are both frantically changing lanes and braking to avoid the scamera, let's push everyone into the outside lane. Perhaps someone can explain to me exactly how this will be safer?

Screen Test

2007-11-11T08:52:00.000Z

Screening out. Sounds innocent enough, doesn't it? In fact it's the police's way of making life easier (for them) - by not investigating crimes in the first place. A new study shows that robberies, violent crime, fraud, theft and vandalism simply become 'non-crimes in many areas, with (unsurprisingly) Sir Ian Blair's Met the worst, screening out over half of all reported crime and nearly two-thirds of all burglaries. Other forces came not far behind the Met's dreadful 53% score; Cambridgeshire (37%), Humberside (36%), Hertfordshire (34%), Norfolk (33%), Hampshire (33%) and Devon & Cornwall (31%) all recorded a 1 in 3 chance that they will ignore a crime against you. And of course the police only revealed these figures under a Freedom of Information request - the very law the government wants to tighten to stop us finding out their shenanigans!

Forward planning, nul points

2007-10-26T09:00:00.000+01:00

Hat-tip to Iain Dale for this classic. Hampshire Police didn't plan ahead for this ad on the back of a bus. Those vehicles have exhaust pipes...

Hopeless in Hampshire

2007-10-19T21:10:00.000+01:00

When a Portsmouth businessman dared to confront a yob who was dropping litter, Hampshire Police knew what to do. Yes, you guessed it - the Pompey Poopers arrested the businessman and held him for eight hours. Civic duty? Not worth it in this county.

Up the BCC!

2007-10-19T13:45:00.001+01:00

I don't like to support criminal activity (though with the police definition of this broadening by the day, it's getting ever more difficult), but I have to support the Bramley Crescent Catnapper, even though this hardened criminal lives just round the corner from me. Sholing moggies seem to treat my back garden as their personal sandbox, so anyone redressing the balance deserves my support. Besides, Hopeless Hampshire Police are after the man. Yes, the 'force' whose Sholing officer recently retired after patrolling the beat for years, much to my surprise - I'd never seen him. I only hope Sholing residents aren't alarmed by the sudden appearance of real police officers - we usually only get the fake ones, PCSOs.

Fareham farrago

2007-10-15T08:53:00.000+01:00

Bad news for Hampshire Police and their Scamera Partnership allies in the War On Motorists. A court has ruled that speed limit signs on the A27 around Fareham do not comply with the law, and has thrown out attempts to prosecute drivers for exceeding a speed limit that did not in fact exist. But the ruling only applies to people who have fought the prosecution, so if you've been done and not fought, contact a solicitor now. Unless of course you're in HP, to whom the rules don't apply; they never did find which of them did 60% over the speed limit, did they?

Five of the worst

2007-09-28T20:52:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police had a rough time at a local meeting in Thornhill recently. Residents there seemed to expect the police to actually arrest young thugs whose acts of vandalism had caused the suspension of the area's nighttime bus services. However, the police rep said they would have to make do with five do-nothings, or as he terms them, PCSOs.

Hampshire Police Farce (sic)

2007-09-23T09:09:00.001+01:00

Hampshire Police have earned the ire (ooo!) of the race-based National Black Police Association, after inviting back a potential candidate who failed the Structured Entrance Assessment for Recruiting Constables Holistically (ye Gods! what overpaid jobsworth thought that title up?).

The applicant failed a role-playing exercise in which he had to pretend to be a shopping-centre boss dealing with racist graffiti about an employee, played by an actress. He thought the priority should be to remove the graffiti as quickly as possible (i.e. the common sense approach which normal people would expect), but said the assessor expected him to spend more time on the racist aspect and its effect on staff and customers. As a result, he scored 57 per cent – three per cent below the pass mark. But the force told him that a "dramatic decline" in the number of candidates passing the test led them to review some cases – including his own – and that he could continue with his application.

So. We have PCSOs who let young kids drown whilst they stand by and do nothing, and PCs who are expected to ignore criminal damage in favour of 'racial awareness'. They no longer have a police force in Hampshire. Farce, more like.

But there were no flashing neon signs!

2007-09-20T21:27:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police have come up with what must be a strong contender for Worst Excuse of the Year Award. On being told that Jean O' Sullivan was missing, they searched her house and found - nothing. However, a second search eighteen days later did find Mrs. O' Sullivan's body - in her house! But Hampshire Police do have a reason for their failure to spot her dead body - searching the house was 'difficult'. Presumably because there were no flashing neon signs stating 'Dead Body Here!!!!'

Hogwash!

2007-08-24T15:11:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police are spending their money (which they keep telling us is never enough) on sending officers to skateboarding courses at Lee-on-the-Solent. Why bother - this is the 'force' which,earlier this year, failed to chase two bike thieves because the five officers on duty were 'afraid the thieves might fall off'. And the 'force' whiuch, last year, was forced to admit that nearly one in three of its officers had a criminal record. Still, at least when the Hog Plogs fall off, they can have a long time to recuperate, all at the public's expense.

Beaten up? Assaulted? Are we bovvered?

2007-08-22T08:19:00.000+01:00

Beaten up by a thug? Then better pray you're not in Hampshire. Businessman Pete Bayliss made the mistake of calling Hampshire Police after a thug assaulted his son Chris, only to be told that he should instead phone his MP. And Hampshire Police's response now? Are they disciplining the sub-moron who answers phones in this way? Are they heck! "We regret that the verbal response to this call was not in accordance with our usual high standards (please stop laughing at the back) and as a result professional development will be provided for the call handler." Pathetic! The only professional development this 'public servant' needs is a rocket right up where the sun don't shine!

Compare and contrast (3)

2007-05-17T14:39:00.000+01:00

Case 1:
A Hampshire Police officer is clocked doing 60% over the speed limit. After a 'thorough' investigation (stop laughing at the back!), Hampshire Police say they cannot find the culprit, who thus gets off scot-free.

Case 2:
A biker is clocked doing 50% over the speed limit, without licence-plates. Bedfordshire Police do a thorough investigation (for once) and secure a prosecution for careless driving and a one-year ban.

One rule for them....

Your caring police 'service'

2007-02-25T11:26:00.000Z

Hampshire Police would like it known that there is a perfectly good reason why FIVE of its officers signally failed to pursue TWO bicycle thieves. The HP spokestwat said that 'they carried out a dynamic risk assessment of the situation'. About the only thing of our own police 'service' this days that is dynamic!

A jolly evening out

2006-11-13T21:45:00.000Z

Hampshire Police have some brass neck. The force which fined itself £500 (out of the public purse, naturally) over its failure to find which of its officers was speeding in one of its own cars has well and truly screwed non-league football side Havant & Waterlooville. Having forced the club to switch the match to Fratton Park against the advice of the football authorities (Hampshire Police know football much better, it seems), they then charged the club £35,000 for policing the match. Thirty-five grand? Was it two officers per supporter, or were certain officers having a free evening out yet againat the public's expense?

Who do they think we are?

2006-09-20T18:28:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police are upset. I mean, just because a group of vandals is terrorizing locals in North Baddesley, some of their victims are threatening to become vigilantes and take the law into their own hands. I mean, surely these people don't expect Hampshire Police to do anything about these scum? Why?

Crims R' Us

2006-07-29T12:27:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police again! The force that comes down hard on religious signs (but can't track down which of its officers bombs around at 60% over the speed limit) has admitted that 30 of its officers have criminal records. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

By Jehovah!

2006-07-28T10:35:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police are clearly cracking down on serious crime. Yes, they have fallen like a ton of bricks (and with about the same level of intelligence) onto a 77-year-old Bursledon woman whose gate-sign, 'Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses', has been deemed offensive by some twattish member of the public (i.e. a PC twerp wanting to remain nameless). Have they really nothing better to do with their public funds? The bad news for our useless PC PCs is that the defiant lady is refusing to take the sign down (I wonder if she is prepared to sell copies?). So presumably they'll have to jail her for hate crimes?

2006-06-09T17:55:00.000+01:00

Having spent over an hour travelling the last two minutes home this evening, I'd like to thank Hampshire Police for everything they did to ease the traffic problems in my area.

THANKS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

2006-05-05T15:01:00.000+01:00

Hampshire Police have decided to use vigilantes, local New Foresters to spy on drivers and report them if they are above the limit. How long before some smarmy little jobsworth decides to get even with a local enemy by lying, and thus ensuring his enemy has a criminal record?

2006-02-17T11:36:00.000Z

I notice that one of Southampton's smaller city centre car-parks has been marked out for disabled use only. Today it was totally empty - apart from a Hampshire Police vehicle parked across two bays. Unfortunately I daren't complain as I'm not an ethnic minority, and would therefore be open to persecution by the 'force' paid to protect me.